Let Go of Your Crutch and Lead From Your Center
A pivotal moment of self-awareness came in grad school. I offered a T-Group workshop to several of my classmates and set the context with a talk on group and interpersonal dynamics along with an explanation of an interpersonal feedback model. This stuff was my passion.I was prepared. With my 3x5 cards in hand I was certain not to forget anything, and I would be able to follow a logical sequence.I loved to transfer knowledge and I wanted to appear smart, clever and competent. Yes, it was true then and still is still true now.What happened? About 10 minutes into my speil, one of the participants turned her head away to gaze in the distance. It was clear she was disengaged and wanted to send me that message.So I asked what was up and she told me that it was distracting to have me read from my cards. "Why don't you just tell us what you know? I'm bored listening to you read from your cards." I turned to others in the group and they concurred. Ouch.I put down my cards and spoke from my experience; from memory. The group energy shifted from disengaged to engaged. We shared, conversed and they got what they needed. They may not have learned everything I could have shared, but that wasn't really important.
Most of the time, less is more.This was a hard lesson. I had feelings of shame. Yet, the outcome was superb and I learned. It took many more trips and spills to develop trust in myself and let go of my crutches.This year has been filled with opportunities to practice what I learned all those years ago in grad school. Since launching my book, I have traveled to the UAE, France, South Africa, and the USA. There have been radio, newspaper and magazine interviews; opportunities to speak to a variety of groups, at conference and lead workshops. Each time I showed up, it was without cards.I had to trust what I knew, trust that whatever I was meant to communicate would come through me. I had to trust that I could respond effectively to whatever I was asked. I had to remember to take whatever time I needed to respond; that I could decline to answer; that I could say, "I don't know." I have been told on more than one occasion that I "come alive" when I speak without a crutch. But it is so darn hard to just let go and trust.The results have been magical. My experience with each person or group has felt like time outside of time and the feedback has been better than I could have imagined.I have come to realize that it's also about the conversation; about what is co-created in the room (or in the interviews), rather than one-way communication. We all have something to share, something to offer, and something to learn from one another.What does it take to develop this ability?
- Know your subject matter
- Prepare and let go
- Remember that you are an expert in your chosen field
- Be fully present; listen in, while listening out
When I do this, I am in tune with my inner dialog and inner sensations that guide me to know when to say something and when to hold back, how to respond, and what to share. I am tuned into the group or person and sense into their needs. This is leading from your center (the center of yourself).
It's not so much about what you know or about being clever. It's how you show up and how you make people feel around you.
By being self-aware, you invite self-awareness in others. By being present, you invite presence in others. By being real, you give permissions for others to do the same.To develop this ability takes practice. Try it in low risk situations and see what happens. You'll be delighted with the results.If you have had similar experiences, please share. I'd love to hear from you.