A Prophetic Tale
Awhile back, I worked with an organization that wanted to engender a more self-aware culture of leaders. We did a large-scale implementation of the Enneagram as part of that effort. Our work culminated with a workshop for everyone in the organization.
Set the scene
Each Enneagram Type group presents themselves to the rest of the organization in anyway they see fit. The only rule is a time limit. Move the clock forward to the Type 7 Group's presentation. It was wild. They created a wonderful, uplifting, high-energy event that produced a large piece of art. We all cheered, laughed and enjoyed ourselves immensely. The Type 7 group sat down.
In the middle of the room, on the floor, a very large section of butcher-block paper was left, along with tubes of paint, brushes and various other art supplies. It was Type 8 group's turn and they were faced with this mess in the room and had no place to give their performance.
Without a word, just eye contact and body language, they stood up, walked to the center of the room, put all of the supplies on top of the paper, picked it up and crumpled it all together and dropped it at the feet of the Type 7 group. Again, without a word being spoken. This was not planned.
Type 2's chimed in and said they would have cleaned up the mess for them. Type 8s wanted the 7s to clean up their own mess and asserted their position by laying it at their feet.
Roll the tape forward to a live situation
A team in trouble: Two Type 8s (Carmen and Margaret), one Type 7 (Ralph), one Type 2 (Justine), one Type 4 (Ingrid) and one Type 9 (Lincoln). Without going into the story, let's just say it centers around a relationship between Carmen (8) and Ralph (7). Between the two of them, there are words unspoken; what I would call "a camel in the room."
Carmen approached the situation (camel) directly and aggressively and Ralph, desiring to keep his options open and / or to avoid hurting her feelings, parried. As a consequence, the issue was dealt with indirectly and without Carmen's conscious awareness of her anger. She feels thwarted by Ralph and that he sends mixed messages, all of which provoke her desire for revenge.
At the surface, Carmen believes she is taking a just stance. She begins to rally the community around an injustice she believes is being perpetrated by Ralph. Carmen lights a fire under Type 8, Margaret and between the two of them, they take justice into their own hands. Carmen is single focused in her efforts, unaware of her aggressive, pushy approach. The ends justified the means.
Justine's (Type 2) ire is stirred. Her empathic heart and desire to help launch her into action. Ingrid (Type 4) rises to the occasion in support. The two of them rally behind Carmen and Margaret (who also have unresolved issues with Ralph). Margaret takes an action with positive intent but is perceived as highly inflammatory and shaming of Ralph.
Among this group Type 9 is elected to be news to Ralph about how they decided to resolve the situation. Initially, Ralph agrees to the solution and all think things are resolved in a good way. However, Ralph starts to stew and becomes highly reactive. Everything begins to spin out of control.
How did their Enneagram Type Roles Play Out? Ralph, Type 7, left a mess and others cleaned it up. Our Type 8s pointed to the injustice and aligned others behind them. Type 2 cleaned up the mess with the help of Type 4, and Type 9 played the role of the diplomat.
The result: Ralph, Type 7 doesn't understand why people "butted in" to his work. He believes he sufficiently resolved his problem and all is well. Now he feels he has lost control of the situation, his competence and integrity are being brought into question, and he is being publicly humiliated. While others think they cleaned up his mess, he doesn't see that there was anything to be cleaned up. Rather than be appreciative of the help, Ralph is enraged and has launched a vitriolic attack against Carmen--who he feels is to blame for how things have unfolded.
When Carmen doesn't react to his aggression, Ralph goes after Justine, who is now the lightning rod for the situation. After all, Justine has been the one to clean things up. She is also is the most easily hurt. Perhaps Ralph thinks he could get to Carmen by hurting Justine. Justine doesn't understand why Ralph is so angry and unappreciative of everything she has done to remedy the situation, at her own expense.
Neither Carmen nor Ralph are aware of what lay below the surface, or if they are, how that might be influencing the situation they now find themselves in. The relationship lines are broken (for now). People see sides of each other they didn't realize existed or had only glimpses of prior to this.
At this point, no one is taking responsibility for their part in this conflict. Email, the mode of communication, is being used to blame and explain.
Once again, everyone played his or her Enneagram role just beautifully. But damage has been done. A lack of conscious awareness about one's tendencies and predispositions fed into this toxic stew. A crisis could have been averted ...
The lessons
When we are doing our Enneagram Type we play our role in a tragic comedy. If we don't become aware of our reactive triggers, we act them out in a habitual and patterned way.
When we sweep things under the rug or neglect to look under the rug for an accumulation of dirt, there is a good chance we'll trip on it.
"He said / She said" (which is where we are at present in our story) only serves to try an invalidate each other's perspectives. It does not bridge nor resolve misunderstandings unless the other parties are open to hearing that their perspective might not be the whole story.
And you? What other lessons can be learned from this story?
If you were coaching this team, what would you do?
I look forward to your comments.