A Case of Mistaken Identity

Family, community, and culture exert a significant influence on and help shape the expression of our personality and consequently our Enneagram Type.  The following is a personal account that sheds light on how this works.After Stephan (not his real name) purchased my book and read it, he contacted me. I thought our exchange would be valuable for many of you. Travel with him as his story unfolds and you may see yourself in his tale, "A Case of Mistaken Identity."__________________________________________________

Question from Stephan: How much of Type is "from birth" and how much might be survival adaptations from early childhood?  By the way, it is a great book and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Reply from Wendy: It's both nature and nurture. Type is shaped by family, community, school, religion and culture. These influences can reinforce Type, stifle it, cause one to adapt to fit in or some combination thereof. The early childhood experiences I write about in each Type's story, reflect how each Type experiences the world through their Type lens and filter.

Another Type could be exposed to the same treatment, events, etc., and have a different story to tell. This is why different children respond to the same family environment or caregivers in their own unique way. And this is why, we are not our stories and are much bigger than our stories.

At birth, each Type seems to emerge with a set of beliefs about the world. Now this is all theory, but it seems to fit with what I have experienced in my work, in my own personal life and reflects a lot of the literature.I think we'll learn more as our understanding of human nature evolves.Reply from Stephan: When I first looked at the Enneagram a few years ago, Type 5 - the Detached Observer ("Researcher" according to that particular resource) appeared just about right.This seemed obvious for the Ph.D in me. But yet, it didn't. I've always known that my intellectual side was a limiting compensation and has never been the real me. The official story from me and those I inherited it from (like college professors) was that I was "the intellectual."I bought that story, but in truth was never happy with it. In high school and early college, I was an art major and had been offered a free ride to an art school. I was that good. I loved art, especially drawing, from as early an age as 4 or 5.My earliest memories are being a quiet kid who just loved to draw. But then, in college every professor started telling me, "Anything less than a Ph.D is a serious waste of talent." So I dropped the art major and went into the humanities, riding that adopted story all the way to a Ph.D. Yet even in the Ph.D program, I switched from historical studies to literary studies because I could talk about the art of the text.Being a "unique" intellectual was always my calling card.I was bored if it didn't have an artistic slant. I knew then and there it was my old art major telling me he wouldn't be happy unless he had a place in my evolving intellectual life. I was ready to drop the Ph.D until I could find a way to do something intellectual and at least a bit artsy.Flash forward to present time. Lately, I've been doing speaker training and my coach put me through some brain tests. I always assumed I was left brain dominant.But I was wrong - I'm right brain dominant and left-handed! (The same as Einstein, believe it or not.) It then all began to make sense!My coach put it out there, "You are right brain dominant Stephan - make no mistake. Your left brain seeming dominance was probably some sort of survival adaptation." Then more lights went on. She was right. It all was.It was at that point that Kara (a friend who is familiar with the Enneagram) and I had a talk.We agreed; I'm a 4 and my 5 is a "wing," but a very strong wing that dominated the landscape for years because I had to escape my feelings and run to my mind to manage a Borderline mother. She could crush a 4 and his feelings, but never a 5 and his mind. It was definitely a survival strategy.

When I realized that, and I subsequently read your book, it all made sense. The cosmic tumblers began to click and I saw the gestalt of my life and the map of my deep inner experience with life.

I can see that I was born a Type 4 and yet, that 5 wing is a very strong survival adaptation that has often eclipsed my inner 4 essence (official stories can do that, unfortunately). I even know the event at age 5 that precipitated this whole shift - a very deep imprint.

While reading your book, I also uncovered my 3 wing. And I definitely run to the 2 people pleaser when under stress and when I'm in my native mode. I take the highway to Type 1 who runs seamlessly on 'perfection'. I LOVE that mode.

It all began to make sense, like a puzzle falling into place.

So, as I read your book, I could not help but see how BOTH nature and childhood experience created how my Type evolved. And, of course, working with my clients tells me that imprints certainly can adjust the course of such things as a Type.

I am reclaiming that Type 4 in me these days, and I am using my 5 wing more as a tool, and less as a statement of who I am.

I am so much happier and your book helped clarify the growth process of rediscovering the 'road map of me' these past 6 years.

It put some things together for me in a most providential manner. Let's just say, it was no mistake that the Universe lead me to your book at this time through my friend Kara. And for that, Wendy, I'm profoundly grateful.I just wanted your answer since from my experience, it takes both nature and nurture/imprints to explain my experience with the Types.I was never sold before on this stuff. I am now.